When I used to hear of people going abroad for a while, I
never thought I would be one of those people. As much as I wanted to do it, I
always thought that those kinds of experiences were for the people who were
more daring than I. For most of my life I have wanted to teach overseas for a
stint of time, even my old barely-put-together junior high yearbook says that I
want to be a teacher in Africa when I am older. Now, granted this ambition has
changed slightly, but still, I’ve always wanted to do what I just did for four
months.
Coming to Beijing was the craziest decision I’ve ever made,
but I also know that it is by far one of the best decisions I ever made. I had
no idea what to expect, so I tried to figure that out by reading people’s
memoirs of travelling around China and by thoroughly reading Wikipedia articles
on this city. I’ve realized though that every person’s experience is different,
and as much as you try to prepare yourself for something new, it will not be
what you expect. At all.
I felt that God was calling me here. I was having a
heart-to-heart with a friend in cab a few weeks ago about our purpose for
coming to China. I doubted my purpose at times before I came. I talked with my
parents about it and wondered if this really was God’s will for the next four
months of my life. There were so many obstacles that had come up, and it seemed
like it wasn’t right. To others it would seem like these were signs to not go.
Just hours before we were supposed to fly out of Halifax, we checked online and
found out that our flight was cancelled. You would think this would be a very
clear sign not to go. The peace that I had in this decision to go overruled the
signs though, and I went to China.
Kenzie, Alicia, and I had many low days early on. There were
days where I wondered if it was all worth it or not, days where I actually
considered going home. I am beyond grateful for these two women in my life. We
laughed together, we cried some ugly tears together, we darted across six lanes
of traffic together, and we learned how to use chopsticks expertly together. I
am thankful to have come home after a good day at school and be able to share
it with them, and I’m thankful that they had listening ears when I had a more
frustrating day. I know that God brought the three of us to China at the same
time for a very specific purpose, and it’s amazing to have seen the way that
our friendships evolved.
I’ve learned how to be more open since being here. I’m not
sure what events all led to this, but God has taught me so much about what it
means to truly be yourself. I read a book while I was here about the masks that
Christians sometimes feel like they have to put on at times. I’ve asked myself
questions about the motives behind the relationships in my life, behind the
decisions I make, and behind the ways that I devote my time. Does all of this
point back to God? God has revealed new truths to me that I think I knew in my
heart, but it hadn’t sunk in, or maybe I just hadn’t learned how to apply these
truths to my daily living. This passage from Colossians 3 has been sort of the
theme of my time here: “Since, then, you have
been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is,
seated at the right hand of God. Set
your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For
you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear
with him in glory.” After helping at a weekend camp retreat with my church, I
was driving home in a cab with a few friends, and we were sharing some of the
ways that God works in our lives. Someone said that maybe as Christians we
focus too much on what we are supposed to do instead of who God created us to
be.
This had been something I, too, had
been thinking a lot about. My purpose in China is not so much about what I did;
it is about learning who God made me to be, it is about the people that I had
the chance to meet and build relationships with. I’m not minimalizing the
things that happened here, or minimalizing making decisions of what you should
do in your life; I think these are important, but who are you while you do
these things? Have I reflected God? Am I the person he wants me to be?
We are always making decisions; this is
something that I have struggled with. If you know me well, you know how
indecisive I am. I am learning about letting the peace that comes in Christ
rule in my life. I’m learning about praising him in all circumstances. My time
in China has been incredibly challenging and rewarding, and I have felt the
Lord draw me closer to him in this time. He has revealed areas of my life that
need attention, and he has revealed more of himself to me. It has been
surprising, refreshing, unsettling, and comforting all at once.
No matter where you are or what you are
doing, invite God to show you something new about who he is. Watch out though because
it could be a doozy. You might not see it for a few days, or you might see him
reveal it slowly over a few weeks. If you’re stubborn like me, it could take
moving to China for four months to finally realize what that new “something”
is.
I leave China in eighteen hours. What
an adventure it has been.
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| Going to miss Geetika and Camesha like crazy. So blessed. |
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| Family portrait time :) |
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| Dysfunctional and wonderful |
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| Final Saturday in Beijing with the girls. Going to miss you all! |
